I have been that single girl on Valentines day when around 11am the office starts to look like a florist shop and all of a sudden you look around and realise your desk looks so dull just sitting there all alone as everyone else’s blooms away.

I have also been the girl with the embarrassingly big bloom display and as much as I am thankful that I have someone now to send me flowers and I don’t have to contemplate making up a secret admirer (hey desperate times) I still will always know what its like to be the flowerless and dateless girl on Valentines.

So please here are my tips for not inducing eye rolls on singles awareness day:

  1. Keep it off social media – posting a long winded I love you post on Facebook to your partner who is probably sitting right next to you is just obnoxious and unoriginal if you really mean it you will text it and while we are at it social media doesn’t need to see the stuffed teddy bear and roses he got you and hash tagging it with #truelove is grounds for an unfollowing.
    2. Do not act condescending to your single friends as you hold a big bunch of flowers and say maybe next year this could be you, because sarah just because you are holding a bouquet of flowers on the day of love does not mean you have something they want so don’t act like you do its smug and nobody likes a smart ass.
    3. Do not offer to fix your single friend up with your boyfriends mate on valentines day, a blind first date does not need that added pressure of being surrounded by loved up couples whilst paying four times the amount for dinner.
    4. Do not all of a sudden start cracking jokes about your friend being single to try to make light of the situation they are aware and you are not a comedian so that crack about having a hot date night with a pizza box is only funny when they tell it.
    5. Don’t bring up exes – I can’t stress this one enough just because everyone is paired up and they didn’t get a $9 box of chocolates from Coles doesn’t mean its last drinks at the bar and they need to grab a partner any partner.
    6. Don’t try to make them feel better by offering to drink wine and watch Bridget Jones with them after you finish dinner with your guy, we both know its a total pity invite and you will probably flake anyway which is way worse.
    7. Don’t complain about what your guy got you for valentines so what if you wanted peonies and he got you roses, wrong crowd.
    8. Don’t call your man in front of your single friend and start doing baby talk and telling them about the gift you got them from bras and things A. its not subtle and B. Eww.
    9. Don’t start counselling your friend on why she doesn’t have a date for valentines day – maybe if you stop being so picky is not helpful again nobody likes a smart ass
    10. Don’t give a gag gift like a stuffed cat or blow up man if you are going to spend your money at least spend it on something she will use like a bottle of wine or six.

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Carly Portch